Jessica Whalley’s powerful new book, The Autistic Mom, sheds light on her journey as an autistic and ADHD mother raising a nonverbal autistic son. The Autistic Mom isn’t just a memoir—it’s an essential guide for those raising neurodivergent children.
We caught up with Jessica for a chat…
Your book, The Autistic Mom, is both deeply personal and incredibly insightful. What inspired you to share your journey so openly with the world?
After struggling quite severely in the later years of my journey, I felt a real obligation to share what I had been through—and the positive outcome—so that other women, in particular, would have something to relate to in similar situations. I want them to see that they are not alone, that treatment is available, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was completely alone and had to research everything myself, which took several years to achieve what I have. I genuinely don’t want anyone else to have to go through that.
You received your autism and ADHD diagnosis at 38. How did that revelation change the way you saw yourself and your past experiences?
To be honest, I was pretty sure about the autism diagnosis for some time before my assessment because of everything I had learned while raising my son. So, I had already made peace with it in the years prior. However, the ADHD diagnosis was a surprise, as I had no accurate knowledge of the condition.
Having both diagnoses has genuinely changed my life for the better because I now understand myself and my past behaviours and experiences. This understanding allows me to manage and support myself in a much healthier and more positive way every day. I still have bad days where I feel overwhelmed, but now I know why, and I also know from experience that those feelings will pass. Ultimately, I am very grateful for how my brain works because of the abilities it gives me.
Many women, like yourself, go undiagnosed for years. Why do you think so many women are overlooked when it comes to autism and ADHD diagnoses?
There are several reasons for this. First, autism and ADHD present very differently in males and females because, in general, men and women are different. From a young age, girls tend to go under the radar because we are better at masking our natural traits to fit in with our peers and the world around us—we don’t stand out as much. For my generation and older, there also wasn’t the knowledge and awareness that we have now. Thankfully, this is changing, so younger generations will hopefully not struggle as much. It’s also common for women to discover their neurodivergence either when they have a child who is diagnosed or when hormonal changes later in life make masking their struggles increasingly difficult. Both of these were true in my case.
Your book isn’t just a memoir—it also offers practical advice for parents of neurodivergent children. What are some of the biggest challenges parents face, and what advice would you give them?
The first piece of advice I would give is to remember that you must take care of yourself before you can take care of your child. This isn’t selfish—it’s a necessity and should be a priority. I learned this the hard way. Also, avoid comparing your child to any other child. Learn who they are and allow them to be themselves. Tailor your parenting to their needs, including knowing when and how to push them out of their comfort zone to help them reach their potential. Don’t put them in a box or place limits on what they can achieve. One of the biggest challenges, in my opinion, is that parents of neurodivergent children have to fight for every single thing their child needs—especially when it comes to education, funding, and support. Parents of neurotypical children don’t have to do this, and neither should we. Unfortunately, some parents don’t have the ability to advocate in this way, which is a great detriment to both the child and their future.
Advocacy plays a role in your story. What changes would you like to see in how society supports autistic individuals and their families?
There are so many changes needed. As I mentioned earlier, urgent support, advice, and systemic improvements are necessary for parents of neurodivergent children. On a broader level, society needs to change the stigma surrounding autistic children, adults, and their families. While progress is being made, and younger generations are far more aware and accepting of neurodiversity, this understanding needs to extend to older generations as well. People speaking openly about their experiences helps, which is another reason I wanted to write my book and share my story.
What do you hope readers—whether they are parents, neurodivergent individuals, or educators—take away from The Autistic Mom?
First and foremost, I want the book to be a positive and uplifting read for everyone.
For parents, I want them to know they are not alone. I hope the advice I share will be helpful because I have been there—it’s hard, but focusing on the positives and believing in yourself and your child is vital for the present and the future. For neurodivergent adults, I want them to know they’re not alone either. I hope they see parts of their own experience reflected in my story and feel empowered to embrace who they are. For educators, my hope is that the book will help them better understand the challenges that neurodivergent students face. I want them to see how these conditions affect behaviour, that struggles are not a choice, and what support can and should be provided to help students succeed rather than fail unnecessarily. Autism and ADHD do not have to limit a person’s potential—everyone has different strengths, and with the right support, those strengths can shine.
The Autistic Mom is available to purchase in paperback priced £13.99 on Amazon here