Self Belief Blog Series – Jane Gray
Welcome back to the Self Belief Blog Series where we dig deep into the personal journeys and experiences of individuals who have mastered the art of self belief
Through a range of insightful interviews and practical tips, this series aims to inspire and empower you
This week is with Jane Gray.
1. Building Belief: Foundations & Triggers
Can you share a specific instance from your entrepreneurial journey where self-doubt threatened to derail your progress? How did you identify the root cause of that self-doubt, and what steps did you take to build a stronger foundation of self-belief moving forward?
I can think of many but here are a couple of specifics.
Whilst on a training course (Neuroscience), I noticed I did not feel great about being there. I had that unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach – nerves, fear, anxiety type of feelings.
It was after a couple of days that I noticed the thinking I had around being there in that room. I was telling myself that I didn’t really belong there. That everyone else was more intelligent than me and who did I think I was to be sat learning about neuroscience.
At the same time, I noticed that whilst I was way too scared to ask any questions, when other people asked – and lots did – I sometimes knew the answer.
In that moment I stopped taking any notice of that voice that told me I didn’t belong there. I had as much right as anyone else and it was absolutely ok to not know everything yet.
I’ve experienced so much self doubt in my journey as a self employed coach.
My favourite rabbit hole to disappear down was the ‘I’m not a good enough coach’ rabbit hole.
This plagued me for years and really held me back from getting my business out there.
I’m not sure I’ve found the root cause and I believe that is OK because what I have learned is that I don’t have to believe the thoughts I’m thinking.
The thing I’ve learned is to be more consciously aware of how I’m feeling in my body (not labelling the feeling, just noticing) and when that’s not great, I get curious about where my thinking’s at. The two are connected and if I’m not feeling a nice feeling, it means that my thinking is off.
Being able to see that thinking has really helped. And understanding the nature of thought has been a big insight too.
The other thing I have done is made it a priority to get feedback from my clients about the insights they have and how their lives change as a result of working with me.
When I get the feedback, I intentionally sit with it and own it.
Once upon a time, I didn’t really believe their feedback, I thought they were just being nice.
One day I had an insight about how ungracious I was being. I asked them to tell me their experience and then I dismissed it (they were obviously unaware of this).
I saw that at the very least I was doing them an injustice and at worst implying they were lying.
Needless to say that after that insight, I have never dismissed any feedback.
2. Inner Critic vs. Champion:
We all have that inner voice whispering negativity. How do you manage your inner critic when it comes to your business decisions and goals? Conversely, how do you cultivate and amplify your inner champion, the voice that pushes you forward and celebrates your achievements?
Similar to above. I’ve become much more aware of that inner voice. I don’t try to obliterate it, I simply choose to ignore it.
When I don’t see it, I describe it as going down my favourite rabbit hole – that’s usually the ‘not good enough’ one.
I treat myself with compassion and just like the instinct is built in to the rabbit that when it hears a loud noise or senses danger, it runs as fast as it can to the nearest safe rabbit hole.
My response is similar. When I’m feeling unsafe (because I’m listening to the inner critic), it’s natural for me to head off to the nearest safe place. Somewhere I can hide and not be seen. If I’m not good enough, I certainly don’t want to be on full view for all to see!
When I see where I am, it’s like the rabbit hole disintegrates around me. I can return to my activity and enjoy the experience – until next time.
I know with absolute certainty that I am way more than my thinking and that it’s perfectly normal to not see it sometimes.
I also use an open eyed meditation technique when I get overwhelmed with all the overthinking.
I’ve just come across an amazing movement called The BEing movement. There is YouTube video called TBOLITNFL which is having huge impact on me just now.
I’m seeing that my achievements are a perfect reflection of my commitment and who I am being. If I want something to change, then I can make a personal internal commitment to that and take the action.
One of the lines from the video really stands out. ‘Failure to commit is the high cost of low living’
So this is not so much about celebrating my achievements, it’s more about being in integrity with my commitments and when I’m not, owning that and cleaning it up.
I’m at the very start of this commitment journey but the energy around this seems to light me up and quietens down that inner critic. Maybe that’s also a side effect of the power of commitment.
3. Fake it ’til You Make It or Authentic Confidence?
There’s a fine line between projecting confidence and genuinely believing in yourself. How do you navigate this in your entrepreneurial journey? Do you find there are situations where “faking it” can be a stepping stone to authentic confidence?
The work I have done for myself and with others is about remembering that we already have all the natural confidence we will ever need.
I have a bit of a thing about the label of ‘confidence’ and whilst it’s something that people can relate to, I find the way we use it doesn’t really take account of that natural confidence.
We tend to use it as a reason not to do things. ‘I don’t have enough confidence’. I believe that when we do something new and different, we feel the feels and as seems to be so common, we label it, judge it and then set about trying to get rid of it if it falls in the ‘bad, negative, worse’ camp.
What we’re missing is that doing something new is exciting or scary – same feeling, different label. Instead of allowing the energy of the feeling to work it’s way through, we simply avoid it.
We also get confidence and competence mixed up. Once we’ve done something a few times, our confidence and competence improves and it’s an upward spiral.
I’ve never bought into the fake it til you make it arena. I know that there are things you can change about your physiology to improve your mental state and that seems to make sense to me.
Otherwise, I think what we’re looking at is the perennial challenge of overthinking. If we let go of the contaminated thinking and settle into the moment, we can do amazing things.
4. Failure as Fuel:
Entrepreneurship is full of ups and downs as we know. How do you bounce back from setbacks and failures? What strategies do you use to reframe challenges as opportunities for growth, and how does that process strengthen your self-belief?
I’m a big believer in approaching business like an experiment. When you experiment, you note the results and if they’re not what you thought they’d be, you make adjustments to the experiment.
Another of my favourite metaphors is the see-saw. It would be no fun at all if that piece of wood remained in one position. There’d be no thrill of the high and the following bump of the low. And yet wherever the piece of wood is, there is always the pivot at the centre, keeping everything in place.
That’s the capacity of every human – the inner strength that often goes unnoticed but is always there.
I also like to remember that if you get a lovely rhythm going on that see saw, the ride is smoother and not quite so bumpy. That’s the equilibrium that comes with doing the inner work to discover who you truly are.
When the setbacks come, I try not to see them as such and remind myself that once the disappointment has subsided, I’ll be able to be ruthlessly honest about what I did and didn’t do and whether doing more or less or different could have made a difference. And then we’re back in experimental mode.
A bit like confidence, my self belief is not something that is a thing nor is it static. It’s a feeling that comes and goes, intensifies and diminishes – all dependent on where my thinking’s at.
5. Sharing Your Light & Inspiring Others:
Self-belief is contagious! How do you use your own story and experiences to inspire and empower other female entrepreneurs to believe in themselves and their dreams? What advice would you give your younger self, who might be facing self-doubt at the beginning of her entrepreneurial journey?
I share my story freely and recount times of insight and wisdom as it has shown up for me. I have so many life stories to share and I trust my intuition to guide me to share what’s going to help the people in front of me.
My clients tell me that my stories resonate with them and I truly believe that anybody I meet has the capacity to fulfil their potential. I see that potential sometimes before they do.
I think one of the most powerful things I do is to not be interested in what they’re saying but completely fascinated with who they are being and who they want to be.
Having done so much work, I’ve seen for myself the difference it makes when you can let go of the thinking/understand where your experience comes from and people tell me that I have a special kind of energy which I believe comes from me showing up as the real version of me.
That, I hope is inspiring to other – especially when I look back at where I’ve come from.
The advice I’d give my younger self is to go inside. To sit and settle and allow wisdom to guide you. All the noise on the outside will distract you and pull you in so many different directions. This is your business. Stay true to the original idea and keep taking the action.
You can find Jane here:
https://www.facebook.com/thislightheartedlife