Before you begin to agree on small household issues, like which bath mat to choose or where to store the keys, try to agree on more global issues. It’s better to discuss them with your partner in advance, for example, when you think for the first time that it’s time to start living together.
Here are five difficulties that couples who decide to move to a new stage in their relationship most often encounter. Psychologists recommend talking about this in advance, before you start packing.
How do you both feel about marriage?
This may seem a rather strange question for those who have already decided to live together. But are your motives the same? For each partner, living together can mean something different. For some, this is a natural stage before the wedding. And for someone, it’s just a step in a relationship, without any plans for the future. Think about why you made this decision. If the prospect of marriage doesn’t scare you both – great! But if you want to live together to save your fading feelings, think again, is it worth trying?
Who pays the bills and who does the dishes
Money and housework are two of the main causes of family quarrels. Ask yourself, is my partner responsible? How will he behave in difficult situations? “When we begin to live in marriage, the behavioural scenarios laid down in us in deep childhood by our family come to the fore. We are
sharing with our partner not only living space but also life. It would be nice to understand that each person has their idea of “how to.” How to pay, cook dinners, wash dishes, water flowers and make up the bed. Ideally, you need to find a middle ground between how you and your partner see this situation. In such matters, there is no ideal and there are no concepts of “right” – just try to develop a scheme that will suit both of you. And most importantly, if you do not like how, for example, your partner vacuums, you should not think that you stopped loving him. Think about it, you have a claim specifically to your spouse or still to your (deceived) expectations?
How will your conflicts end?
The way couples experience arguments affects their relationship. But, as with issues of everyday life and money, there are no categories of right and wrong. Many couples begin to quarrel after they move together. But even if you had some minor quarrels or big quarrels with slamming doors, everything will be different now. You have to change the way you argue and quarrel. At least you have nowhere else to go, slamming the door loudly. Especially if the apartment is small. There is a possibility that not only the manner will change but also a cause for debate. For example, if you had previously closed your eyes to your partner’s messiness, now, it can begin to irritate you more. Living together, among other things, requires good managing skills. And there will always be topics that pop up in disputes all the time, something that provokes us to quarrel. And only couples who calmly accept this fact and are ready to approach this difficult task creatively have a chance to survive and will not wonder how to get over a divorce later.
How do we diversify our sex lives?
Most of us are confident that sex will change with the development of relationships. But almost everyone expects from living together only one thing – the complete fading of interest in each other and the transformation of sex into a routine. Of course, inaccessibility and spontaneity add fire to sex. On the other hand, it depends on us whether sex will get better over time. We complain about the lack of novelty, but we forget what role a unique and secret knowledge of our partners’ erogenous zones, their wildest desires, and what they like and whatnot.
A long life together does not always imply novelty in sex, and one can only dream of a spontaneous desire, like in the first months of a relationship. Living together requires doing twice as much house chores, but if you devote at least one day off to each other and experimenting in bed, there will be much more benefits.
What if I need to be alone?
One of the biggest changes that you notice when you are together in the same apartment is the complete lack of personal space that you are so used to at home. Yes, that may sound corny. But we often underestimate the importance of purely personal space and time, captured by the enthusiasm and novelty of living together. Only after several months, we begin to feel an acute lack of privacy. At such moments, a person begins to feel guilty. And sometimes they even think about the strength of their feelings for a partner. But the desire for personal space is completely natural and necessary. If you have the opportunity to share rooms in the apartment, then this will solve the problem.